What I want.. In a nutshell.

I want to see your eyes light up.
I want to see you smile.
I want you to see the joy you make me feel.
I want to make you happy.

I want to feel your lips against mine.
I want to feel your breath on my neck.
I want to caress your skin.
I want to wrap my arms around you.

I want to be a better man.
I want to be everything you need.
I want to share my life with you.
I want to love you, always.

Clarity.

It is amazing how a few short days can launch you out of an emotional fog; a fog that has numbed you to the dismal reality that you are not getting what you want, or deserve.

What is also startling, is the realization, that what you want has been in front of you in plain sight, yet somehow hidden away the entire time.

I've been transformed over the last week. What seemed like a wonderful dream.... A blissful, hopeful fantasy is rapidly becoming the best thing I have ever been graced with.

I am a better man for even knowing you.

Mindful minefield

Today I find myself wandering through a chaotic maelstrom of thoughts. I drift in and out of semiconscious letting my brain explore its deepest darkest corners. Between moments of clarity, reality fades away, leaving nothing but the depravity lying beneath.

I can’t help but think of her.

I flash back to that night, and try to relive every moment with perfect clarity. I remember the excitement watching her hips rock to the beat, feeling her body slide into mine… I can feel her eyes burning into me while my fingers explore her skin. Her lips are close to mine; the slightest misstep could have brought them together… But the anticipation is just as exciting.

Reality fades back into the foreground but my smile lingers.

I’m not sure how, but I think I can feel her smiling too.

Passion

This is in response to "SheDevil's" comment regarding passion, as I felt it needed some exploring.

Passion has a funny way of expressing itself.

You say that passion is something that is "missing" from your life, but I think you're overlooking something. If you throw your heart and soul into a hobby, it is merely a new way of expressing the passion that is part of who you are. Truly passionate people find avenues to use as outlets for this burning fire that drives them. In your case it sounds as though your hobbies are acting as just such an outlet, a way for you to use this pent up desire and cope with the lack of it in other areas of your life.

The passion I feel for this woman is driven from within, the same fire that drives me to aspire to better my own life. It is also the same fire I see burning inside her, a deep smoldering heat waiting for the right fuel. I see a lot of the things I like about myself reflected in her, and is probably why I am so drawn to her.

I think you will find the passion you seek is right in front of you, probably somewhere you least expected it to be.

The girl.

Have you ever found yourself impossibly attracted to someone? Someone you felt was far beyond your reach?

I am in such a situation.

Several days a week I work with a woman who tantilizes me. For a very long time I have been attracted to her, but it wasnt until recently that I realized how much. The excitement and anticipation I feel in her presence grows with every day, making my blood boil with repressed sexual tension.

This woman has eyes that light up with her smile, and burn from a fire within. When she smiles at me its infectious, but when shes toying with me or shooting me a playful look, I see a burning passion that she has yet to understand.

I want this woman in a way that I have never felt begore.

My waking hours are filled with lusty thoughts and fantasies ranging from the mundane to perverse. When I am drifting into a dreamy slumber my mind comes alive with memories of her scent, the feel of her skin... and the firey depth of her gaze. I ache for her.

I haven't even kissed this woman, but I find myself preoccupied with the idea. I can close my eyes and see her face, I can feel the warmth of her body as I lean in, I can feel her hair tangled between my fingers... I can feel the pent up tension between us ready to explode at that first physical expression. It's maddening with anticipation, and blissfuly out of reach.

My mind is flooded with flashes of sexual imagery, random snippets of raw sexual expression. I can feel my fingers digging into the tender flesh of her waist.. the gentle curve of her back arching into me... I can taste the sweetness of her skin while my lips caress it. I imagine her head, thrown back, exposing her slender neck in the throes of passion... I can almost feel her fingernails raking into my back. There is too much to describe.

I must cut this short, I'm saving the rest for later. For now, I am going to close my eyes and let my imagination run wild.

Introduction

Greetings, for reasons about to be made clear, I will not be introducing myself.

This blog, for lack of a better description, is my outlet for things I cannot discuss within my circle of friends or family. It is to remain anonymous for the time being, unless you are special enough to be let into my inner sanctum.

Welcome to my space, I hope you find it entertaining.